summer, as told by a xennial gemini mama

blog kids mama pandemic self care summer

Well hey there!  It's been a minute.  Rather, it's been an entire summer and the Mom Guilt has sort of settled over me like the undying humidity of an August in Georgia.  

Let's discuss that--not the humidity (which my body simply *refuses* to get used to even after 8 Southern Summers), but the Mom Guilt.  Did we do enough this summer?  Was I present and in-the-moment with my littles as much as I should have been?  Did they make lasting, cherished memories?  The answers to all of these questions, of course, is ABSOFREAKINLUTELY YES.  We traveled.  We camped.  We made up songs, watched movies, played outside, rode bikes, hung out with old friends, made new friends, drew pictures, invented new yoga poses, roasted marshmallows, built forts, had pillow fights, had new experiences and new foods and took 3,847,923 photos.  But who in their right mind isn't questioning themselves at this point?  More pointedly, is anyone even in their right mind?

I basically took the entire summer off to be with the kids, who are now back in school as 4th and 1st graders.  I left the job I'd been at for several years.  Then, I put my small business on the back burner (while still practicing sustainability and doing my best to contribute to the benefit of our beautiful planet, obvi) when I realized that I literally could not keep up with these two adorable weirdos 24/7 and focus on anything else during June and July.  And you know what...that's all okay.  It's taken me a minute to get back into the swing of things.  That's okay.  Motivation has been difficult to come by here and there.  That's okay.  In a time where pretty much nothing is okay in the world around us, it's okay to be just okay!

So, I've come to an understanding with myself.  I'm willing to let go of "am I enough" and show myself some damn grace, even though it's incredibly counterintuitive for a Xennial Gemini mama during the second upheaval of a global pandemic to do so.  Let me say that again--A GLOBAL PANDEMIC.  We are fighting for our lives, for our freedom from this virus, and we're still worried about how much we're accomplishing (and if we've earned that glass of wine or if we just want it).  Look, humans are lovely, amazing creatures but we are terribly flawed in so many ways.  We're not here to go to work, clean the kitchen three times a day, develop deeply meaningful relationships with our laundry rooms, and then die.  We've not taken the time to look at ourselves and say "am I really okay?" when the universe is basically screaming in our faces that stepping back, taking deep breaths, and learning to say "no" to the things that don't bring us joy is OKAY.  

While it was very much the summer of YES for my babes, it was also very much the summer of NOPE for me.  Nope, not willing to overcommit myself.  Nope, don't feel like veggies, we're having breakfast for dinner.  Nope, a sundress isn't going to cut it, we're wearing pajamas all day.  Here's a newsflash.  Summer may be lingering on as far as heat and humidity, weekend fun on the lake, grilling, gardening, and mosquitos are concerned, but 11 weeks of "vacay mode" with Ralston and Rowan are now smiles in the rearview mirror, and this girl is ready to get back to work!

If you've also been a bit absent, welcome back--we can do this, even if we have to start slowly!  There's no shame in moving at your own pace, no need for comparison, and certainly no time for self-degradation.  Ferris Bueller took a day off, and everyone still loved him (except for Ed Rooney)...right?

Cheers to you.  It's a new day, and we're very fortunate to have it.

Best Wishes :: Warmest Regards,

Danielle

 


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